Sergeant Tony's Blog

I like candy.

A lot of people are shocked to discover that I eat like normal people. My sweet friend, Margaret Caffey, just made me a key lime pie yesterday. YUMMMO!! (Thanks, Mags!) And when I go to the movies I always get some Junior Mints. Don’t judge.

But back to the candy. I don’t eat too much of it now, too many calories and such. But I like it. Did I mention the Junior Mints?

I LOVED candy when I was a kid, like most kids. And I loved Halloween, not because I’m evil, demonic, and wicked – which, according to some, I am – but because Halloween is a celebration of candy. C-a-n-d-y, CANDY!

Kids wander the neighborhood, already jacked up on Mountain Dew and candy corn, in search of even more candy. And if that weren’t already good enough, you get to dress up as ANYTHING you want while collecting more and more … candy!

How could it possibly get any better than that?

Halloween costumes are thought-out days, sometimes weeks, in advance. (Store bought costumes are so unoriginal.) But I never understood why, given the whole realm of things to dress up as, my buddies and I fell back on the same old characters year after year, going trick or treating as hobos, pirates, and gynecologists. OK, relax! I’m kidding. I never went as a hobo.

Kids these days have no idea how to properly trick or treat. It’s a lost art, like writing in cursive and memorizing phone numbers. And speaking of, are your kids being taught penmanship and cursive at school? Just curious.

Anyway, as a public service to today’s youth, I’m going to give this generation a lesson in old school trick or treating. Get ready kids! This is gonna be a changing day your life!

First, let’s review the mission. The mission is to get as much GOOD candy as possible in as little time as possible. So, with that goal in sight, let’s get started.

Tip number one: do NOT go with a pack of little kids. Little kids have little legs and they move slow. They will hold you back and slow you down. Plus, since they are cuter than you, THEY will get more cool candy than you will. So, no little kids.

Tip number two: (exception to tip number one) take only ONE little kid and make sure they are really cute. I mean ADORABLE! So much so that you could be dressed up in your mom’s dress and no one would notice! Also, make sure that you and your pals can carry that one kid from house to house if you need to. You could get a backpack thing to carry the kid around in and even go as the Hunchback of Notre Dame. The kid could double as the hunch. And under no circumstances do you allow that kid to cry. Their cuteness is what’ll score the good candy. The adults who give out the candy will be talking about how cute that kid is and they’ll practically empty out their supply to you and your gang.

Tip number three: your marauding band of candy snatchers shouldn’t have more than three kids max, not including your cute kid lure. Small parties of candy grabbers move faster. But equally important, small groups score more candy. Big groups look too big on a front porch and the stingy adults passing out the candy will ration the good stuff as if it were money and not just Snicker bars they’re handing out. So, no big groups.

Tip number four: no full face masks. Those things are hard to see out of and poor vision will slow you down. Remember, you’re a high speed candy gathering machine. You take it on the run, baby. Impaired vision will make you trip and spill your booty. No spilt booties.

Tip number five: don’t wait until it’s dark to get started. Get out there early, like around 5 o’clock! You’ll be sure to get the best candy first! Plus the people probably haven’t had a chance to put the candy in those decorative bowls they bought at Michael’s and they just might give you a TON of candy in their haste to get you off their porch.

Tip number six: have a systematic plan of covering your neighborhood. For example, start three blocks north or your house, working your way back toward your house. That way you’ll be close to home when your bag o’ loot is heaviest. Then stop at your house and get a new bag for your candy, and pick up a new cute kid if one is available. Little kids get tired easily and fussy kids aren’t cute anymore and are a candy-scoring liability.

For your second trip you’ll need to go three blocks south and start there. Repeat with new costumes and new cute kids for a couple of hours. Usually by 8:30 or 9 the good candy is gone and people have turned off their porch lights, blown out the candle in their jack-o-lanterns and the Halloween decorations have been taken down.

Tip number seven: after your last trip out, divide the loot with only one criterion: candy that doesn’t suck makes the cut. Dump the candy on the floor in your bedroom and separate the following from the good candy: fruit, popcorn balls, old lady candy (you know the kind I mean), any homemade stuff like cookies and brownies (whack jobs will put ExLax and other crap in those things trying to be “funny”) Candy that will pull the fillings out of your teeth are keepers. Lame candy that you’ve never even heard of, never seen on TV, or seen at Walgreens should be put in this reject pile. That crap always tastes like … well … crap.

Tip number eight: take the “reject candy” to school the next day and trade with the dumb kids, or the nerdy kids, or the kids who are worried about tooth decay, or the kids of religious zealots who wouldn’t let their kids participate in devil worshiping Halloween blasphemy and got no candy at all – they’ll be grateful to have even your rejects. There’s an outside chance that you’ll be able to trade up. If not, just dump the bag of rejects in the garbage at school.

Tip number nine: protect your booty from your parents. Moms and Dads will often go through your stuff pretending to protect you by culling out the “evil” or “suspicious” candy. That’s a lie. They’re gonna rob you of your good stuff, like Three Musketeers and Paydays. If you can’t avoid their meddling efforts to “protect” you, you’ll have to stash your best candy in a secret place before they’ve had a chance to steal from you. Find a good hiding place in your room. Don’t put your good stuff in a drawer, that’s too obvious. Even clueless parents will look there. But under the bottom drawer of your chest of drawers might work. Take the bottom drawer out and see if you’ve got a space there between the floor and the bottom drawer. That makes for a pretty handy place to hide your good stuff from your selfish parents – who have money and can buy their own candy — and from your older siblings who will steal from you right in front of your face and laugh about it.

Tip number ten: I don’t really have a tip number ten, but nine tips didn’t seem like a very good list.

Oh, wait. Here’s one: if you’re going to make costume changes as you trick or treat, you’ll want to make them quickly, so choose costumes that you can transition into quickly. It’s pretty easy to change a hobo into a construction worker and vice versa. It’s hard to change from a surgeon in scrubs into a Volvo salesman … or the scariest of all, a Wall Street Stock Broker! ewwwwwww

Finally kids, have fun! Halloween is the best holiday of the year devoted to nothing but foolishness, disguises, and of course CANDY!

(Parents, feel free to share these tips with your sister’s kids! Hahaha)

—————————-

COLD WEATHER POLICY

Anytime the windchill drops to 29 or below, we’ll go inside.

———————————–

SGT. TONY’S HALF MARATHON TRAINING!

The St. Jude Half Marathon continues this Saturday, October 22. We’ll meet in front of the Visitor’s Center at Shelby Farms at 7am.

Saturday’s run will be for 2hrs 10 min, as we leap frog forward.

Don’t forget sports drink and fuel for the long run!

If you’re NOT training for a half marathon but want to get your one hour of continuous cardio with a group, you can join us for that hour. We’ll be passing through the parking lot of the Visitor’s Center about every 25 minutes or so from 7:10 on.

————————————

TOMORROW, Thursday, October 27 is BOGA at 0530 in the “blue” gym.

NEXT TUESDAY, November 1st is the M-16 Workout at CUMC at 0530.

————————————

THE MWF 0830 CLASS!

AKA “The Desperate Housewives Class” is BAAAAACK!!! (Yes, there are dudes in this class too!) (“The Real Housewives of East Memphis” is a possible name too!)

The 0830 class is back on ACTIVE DUTY on MWF!

——————————————

I GOTTA GUY!!! (And a GAL)

I like to share the names of people I do business with and trust so that if you need services that they offer you’ll know someone trustworthy to contact.

1. Margaret Caffey.
Thinking about a trip to Walt Disney World, Universal to see Harry Potter, or maybe a Disney Cruise – Margaret Caffey has turned her passion for all things Disney into a career and is now a travel agent with MEI & Mouse Fan Travel. For all your Disney travel planning or just to ask a question call Margaret at 901-828-6354. Also please take a second to ‘like’ her Facebook page at Mouse Fan Margaret. (https://www.facebook.com/login/setashome.php?ref=login#!/pages/Mouse-Fan-Margaret/130316623686981).

PS – I hear she knows a lot about all the cruise lines too! Margret is MY personal Disney trip planner! No one, and I mean NO ONE, knows more about Disney than Mags!

1. Dr John Whittemore was voted Best Family Dentist in Memphis Parent Magazine’s most recent survey.
Also voted Hot List Cosmetic Dentist in the Memphis Flyer and listed among Top Dentists in Memphis Magazine every year. If you want personalized, caring general or cosmetic dentistry on a whole other level than you’ve experienced before, call John’s office to make an appointment. (901)-754-0540.

John is also selling his 4BR/3BA house on Audubon Drive.

3. Richard Bourland – “Your Boot Camp Handyman” – Home Improvement, Carpentry, Custom Bunk Beds and other Woodworking Services, rebourland@yahoo.com, 901.826-6695. www.midsouthbunkbeds.com

You can see a much longer and detailed list of people I refer on the USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP website blog page. Once on the blog page use the search window, keyword “Buddy,” and it’ll take you to that page.

If you drop my name, you might get a discount. But for sure you’ll get their sympathy and prayers!

If you’d like to be listed here in “I GOTTA GUY” just let me know!

——————————————-

BOOT CAMP DISCOUNTS!

The monthly fee of $75 can be discounted to $55!

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

THE MONTHLY FEE OF $75 CAN BE DISCOUNTED TO $55!

Here’s how …

Make a Facebook status update and get a discount!

For every status update that you make that references:
“USMC Fitness Boot Camp,”
“Sgt. Tony’s Boot Camp,”
“Tony’s Boot Camp,”
or something similar, you can take $2.50 off your reenlistment fee for each update, up to $20 off for any given month! You can go from $75 to $55 a month!!

Your status update has to be a SPECIFIC reference to USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP or to me specifically by name. (There are fake boot camps out there!!)

You can also use “Places” on Facebook or Foursquare linked to your Facebook account to “check in” and you’ll get the same discount!

Use your own wording and personality, just include the specifics.

So log on and get started today!

—————————————

UNEMPLOYED PERSON’S DISCOUNT

If you’ve been a Boot Camper in the past and you are currently unemployed, you can get a special discount. Email me for the details. Seriously! Email me! NOW! And don’t be embarrassed. I will make you an offer that you can’t refuse. Seriously.

—————————————

LAW ENFORCEMENT AND FIRE DEPARTMENT DISCOUNTS

Police Officers, Sheriff’s Deputies, and Memphis Firefighters qualify for a special discount! It’s the least I can do to ensure that our law enforcement officers and firefighters are fit for their job!! Pass the word!

—————————————–

WANT TO LOSE 10 to 15 POUNDS BY THE END OF NOVEMBER?

Take Shape For Life is the BEST weight loss program I know of. If you’d like to lose weight talk to me. This is the program I used to lose the almost 30 pounds I gained after knee surgery. Let me help you!

You can also go to www.combatchallenge.tsfl.com/

——————————————-

TUESDAY & THURSDAY EVENING CLASS

The Tuesday and Thursday evening classes meet at St. Mary’s track. These are cardio (walking/jogging/running) workouts and they begin at 5:45 PM.

St. Mary’s is at the corner of Walnut Grove and Perkins.

———————————————-

CALENDAR

A calendar has been added to the official USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP website.

http://www.usmcfitnessbootcamp.com/calendar.html

For you visual learners, you’ll find this an easy way to glance at the week or month and see where the workouts will be, if there’s a venue change.

——————-

ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF GETTING OFF YOUR ASS IS RIGHT FOR YOU!

To your optimum health and fitness!

SEE YOU ON THE QUARTERDECK!

Tony

Sergeant Major Tony Ludlow

USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP, Commanding
Mailing address: 4888 Southern Ave., Memphis, TN 38117
Cell Phone: 901-644-0145
www.usmcfitnessbootcamp.com

http://www.combatchallenge.tsfl.com/esuite/home/combatchallenge/

I didn’t expect her to slap me.

I like to think of myself as agreeable. I negotiate and compromise in a fairly reasonable and rational way. No name calling in arguments. No throwing things. No yelling obscenities. No character assassinations. Try to stay on point. Try to restrict the focus to the issue(s) at hand.

So slapping me across the face seemed disconnected from my perception of reality. I didn’t think I should have been slapped. Apparently, I was mistaken.

How’d I get to that moment? How did I end up offering my face to this angry woman to slap? And further more, how did an average woman with no combat or martial arts training get the jump on a guy with three black belts?

In a word, I didn’t expect it.

Well, that’s more than a word, but you get my meaning. Rule number one, always expect the unexpected. Always be paranoid and assume that all possible threats will become threatening. And besides, I hadn’t done anything that would justify being assaulted by this diminutive crazy woman. Let’s call her Jill.

See, this is what happened. Wait, rather than tell you the whole miserable story, do you remember the movie “An Affair to Remember?” It’s a 1957 movie staring Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr. The movie plot sort of goes like this: despite being engaged to other people, the two meet and have a romance on a cruise from Europe to New York. They agree to reunite in six months at the top of the Empire State Building.

Six months later, “Nickie,” Cary Grant, shows up. “Terry,” Deborah Kerr, doesn’t. He’s heartbroken. (I have a rather pathetic personal story of my own involving the Empire State Building. But that’s for another day.) After waiting and waiting at the top of the Empire State Building, Nickie finally walks away, assuming the worst.

In this story, my story, the one involving “Jill,” I’m the one left waiting. She never showed. In the movie, Terry didn’t meet Nickie because she had been hit by a car while crossing the street in front of the Empire State Building on her way to meet him. She was in the hospital. No cell phones. No email. No way to communicate with him, Nickie never knew that.

Jill didn’t show because she … well, she changed her mind. I got a letter from Jill a few days later telling me that she was confused and conflicted and unsure.

I never answered her letter.

She called and left messages telling me that she was sorry … but she was still confused and blah, blah, blah. I never returned her calls.

Three months later she showed up at my house, unannounced and uninvited.

“Umm … what are you doing here?” I asked her, stepping out onto my porch.

“Isn’t that obvious?” she said.

“No, it isn’t.” I said.

“Can I come in?” she asked.

“No, you can’t.” I told her firmly.

“Can I kiss you?” she asked. The question took me completely by surprise.

“No, you can’t,” I answered with a confused look of my own.

“Then can I slap you?” she said. And before she’d finished her question and before the question had even had a chance to register in my head, she’d slapped me hard across the face.

And then she stomped off.

I stood there in complete shock. I never saw that coming.

I didn’t call after her or try to get her to stop or come back.

I just watched her walk away, rubbing the side of my face and trying to make sense of what had just happened.

And then I went back inside my house and finished my bowl of Cap’n Crunch. (You should never interrupt a Marine after he’s poured milk on his cereal.)

And I’ve never seen or spoken to her since that day. And that was a long time ago. I don’t know where she lives or what she’s doing with her life. I’ve never even done an internet search for her.

My brother once told me “never give Crazy a second chance.” But I have. (And so did he.) But that was still pretty good advice. And every time, almost without fail, that I’ve given a second or third chance to those who have shown a willingness to hurt me or disrespect me or take advantage of me, I’ve lived to regret it. More than anything, in relationships of all kinds – personal and professional — boundaries have to be established. You have to be like “Gandalf” in “Lord of the Rings.” You have to take your staff and strike the ground in front of you and shout with all your might, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”

And then don’t let them.

In John Wayne’s last movie, “The Shootist,” he gave a brief summary of what many believe was the actor’s life philosophy spoken through his character, JB Books. “I won’t be wronged. I won’t be insulted. I won’t be laid a-hand on. I don’t do these things to other people, and I require the same from them,” said JB Books.

Never give a person a second chance to put a hand on you. Never give an abuser a second chance to abuse you. Never give Crazy a second chance to bring craziness, chaos, and contention into your life. Better to be alone, than to wish that you were.

—————————-

COLD WEATHER POLICY

Anytime the windchill drops to 29 or below, we’ll go inside.

———————————–

SGT. TONY’S HALF MARATHON TRAINING!

The St. Jude Half Marathon continues this Saturday, October 22. We’ll meet in front of the Visitor’s Center at Shelby Farms at 7am.

Saturday’s run will be for 2hrs 10 min, as we leap frog forward.

Don’t forget sports drink and fuel for the long run!

If you’re NOT training for a half marathon but want to get your one hour of continuous cardio with a group, you can join us for that hour. We’ll be passing through the parking lot of the Visitor’s Center about every 25 minutes or so from 7:10 on.

————————————

TOMORROW, Thursday, October 20 is BOGA at 0530 in the “blue” gym.

NEXT TUESDAY, October 25th is the Mt. Fuji Workout at the U of M at 0530.

————————————

THE MWF 0830 CLASS!

AKA “The Desperate Housewives Class” is BAAAAACK!!! (Yes, there are dudes in this class too!) (“The Real Housewives of East Memphis” is a possible name too!)

The 0830 class is back on ACTIVE DUTY on MWF!

——————————————

I GOTTA GUY!!! (And a GAL)

I like to share the names of people I do business with and trust so that if you need services that they offer you’ll know someone trustworthy to contact.

1. Margaret Caffey.
Thinking about a trip to Walt Disney World, Universal to see Harry Potter, or maybe a Disney Cruise – Margaret Caffey has turned her passion for all things Disney into a career and is now a travel agent with MEI & Mouse Fan Travel. For all your Disney travel planning or just to ask a question call Margaret at 901-828-6354. Also please take a second to ‘like’ her Facebook page at Mouse Fan Margaret. (https://www.facebook.com/login/setashome.php?ref=login#!/pages/Mouse-Fan-Margaret/130316623686981).

PS – I hear she knows a lot about all the cruise lines too! Margret is MY personal Disney trip planner! No one, and I mean NO ONE, knows more about Disney than Mags!

1. Dr John Whittemore was voted Best Family Dentist in Memphis Parent Magazine’s most recent survey.
Also voted Hot List Cosmetic Dentist in the Memphis Flyer and listed among Top Dentists in Memphis Magazine every year. If you want personalized, caring general or cosmetic dentistry on a whole other level than you’ve experienced before, call John’s office to make an appointment. (901)-754-0540.

John is also selling his 4BR/3BA house on Audubon Drive.

3. Richard Bourland – “Your Boot Camp Handyman” – Home Improvement, Carpentry, Custom Bunk Beds and other Woodworking Services, rebourland@yahoo.com, 901.826-6695. www.midsouthbunkbeds.com

You can see a much longer and detailed list of people I refer on the USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP website blog page. Once on the blog page use the search window, keyword “Buddy,” and it’ll take you to that page.

If you drop my name, you might get a discount. But for sure you’ll get their sympathy and prayers!

If you’d like to be listed here in “I GOTTA GUY” just let me know!

——————————————-

BOOT CAMP DISCOUNTS!

The monthly fee of $75 can be discounted to $55!

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

THE MONTHLY FEE OF $75 CAN BE DISCOUNTED TO $55!

Here’s how …

Make a Facebook status update and get a discount!

For every status update that you make that references:
“USMC Fitness Boot Camp,”
“Sgt. Tony’s Boot Camp,”
“Tony’s Boot Camp,”
or something similar, you can take $2.50 off your reenlistment fee for each update, up to $20 off for any given month! You can go from $75 to $55 a month!!

Your status update has to be a SPECIFIC reference to USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP or to me specifically by name. (There are fake boot camps out there!!)

You can also use “Places” on Facebook or Foursquare linked to your Facebook account to “check in” and you’ll get the same discount!

Use your own wording and personality, just include the specifics.

So log on and get started today!

—————————————

UNEMPLOYED PERSON’S DISCOUNT

If you’ve been a Boot Camper in the past and you are currently unemployed, you can get a special discount. Email me for the details. Seriously! Email me! NOW! And don’t be embarrassed. I will make you an offer that you can’t refuse. Seriously.

—————————————

LAW ENFORCEMENT AND FIRE DEPARTMENT DISCOUNTS

Police Officers, Sheriff’s Deputies, and Memphis Firefighters qualify for a special discount! It’s the least I can do to ensure that our law enforcement officers and firefighters are fit for their job!! Pass the word!

—————————————–

WANT TO LOSE 10 to 15 POUNDS BY THE END OF NOVEMBER?

Take Shape For Life is the BEST weight loss program I know of. If you’d like to lose weight talk to me. This is the program I used to lose the almost 30 pounds I gained after knee surgery. Let me help you!

You can also go to www.combatchallenge.tsfl.com/

——————————————-

TUESDAY & THURSDAY EVENING CLASS

The Tuesday and Thursday evening classes meet at St. Mary’s track. These are cardio (walking/jogging/running) workouts and they begin at 5:45 PM.

St. Mary’s is at the corner of Walnut Grove and Perkins.

———————————————-

CALENDAR

A calendar has been added to the official USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP website.

http://www.usmcfitnessbootcamp.com/calendar.html

For you visual learners, you’ll find this an easy way to glance at the week or month and see where the workouts will be, if there’s a venue change.

——————-

ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF GETTING OFF YOUR ASS IS RIGHT FOR YOU!

To your optimum health and fitness!

SEE YOU ON THE QUARTERDECK!

Tony

Sergeant Major Tony Ludlow

USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP, Commanding
Mailing address: 4888 Southern Ave., Memphis, TN 38117
Cell Phone: 901-644-0145
www.usmcfitnessbootcamp.com

http://www.combatchallenge.tsfl.com/esuite/home/combatchallenge/

I hate Peter Frampton.

I’ve always hated him. I don’t mind his music. It’s not that. I even kind of like “Do You Feel Like We Do.”

No, it’s not his music.

It’s his hair.

Well, actually, it WAS his hair.

To be truthful, I don’t hate him anymore. I hated him until I saw a recent picture of him. Now he’s bald. I suppose he’s not really bald so much as his hair has thinned to the point of almost not being there.

See what happened was, Mr. Frampton and his golden locks became all the rage at a time when my hair was almost not there. (Similar to my current do.) But at the time, the late 70’s, the length of my hair was dictated by Marine Corps grooming policy. My buddies from high school who were in college looked like Frampton. The girls from my high school, who were now sorority girls, thought the Frampton look was hot. And he was EVERYWHERE! Like the Kardashians, except with talent. And that damned hair!

Therefore I hated Peter Frampton.

As a young Marine in the late 70’s, I attended my share of sorority socials and such at a university where I knew only a couple of people, all girls, including the one I was dating. And at every one of those sorority socials I was the only guy there whose ears were exposed.

The frat boys — attending school on daddy’s dollars, driving daddy’s new car, and dating girls with money dolled out by daddy, sported that foppish hair style – along with “the Frampton” — that still seems to mark the same sort of self assured, spoiled, over indulged, privileged, entitled, trust fund flunkies. They were the kind of guys who thought that freedom was a great thing so long as it was someone else wearing the uniform and doing the fighting.

They liked to make fun of me and my short hair. They liked to point out the vast difference between them and guys like me. They were members of the country club. At the time the only golf I’d ever played involved windmills and dinasaurs. They did everything they could to make me feel left out. They had their cool frat boy secret handshakes and code words and inside jokes and frat house lingo.

And they really didn’t like the fact that I was dating one of “their” girls. THEIR girls.

And though we were all about the same age, I felt about 15 or 20 years older than those guys. My life as a Marine was very different from theirs, I couldn’t disagree with them about that. I was a Lance Corporal in the Marine Corps and a squad leader, responsible for 9 other Marines. My values and sense of duty were as foreign to the boys of “I Tappa Kegga” as their country club lifestyle was to me. We had nothing in common and I was on their turf and the odd man out.

At the end of one of those sorority socials, where they had “accidentally” spilled beer on me, stepped on my shoes, and bumped into me repeatedly, a group of 8 or so drunk frat boys thought they’d take another shot at me before I left.

“Hey, GI Joe, why don’t you wear your Boy Scout uniform next time? Hahahaha,” one of them said to me. That just started them all laughing and poking one another and making sport of me.

“Yeah, man! Why don’t you do that, GI Joe?! Hahahaha,” they all sort of seemed to say.

“Come on, Tony, let’s go,” my date insisted, taking me by the arm before I could respond and lose my temper.

“What do you see in those guys,” I asked her on our way to my car, bought with my own money.

“Oh, they’re not so bad. They were just having fun,” she said. “They don’t mean any harm. They’d just had too much to drink.”

“Right,” I said sarcastically.

This was a time before “Support our Troops” ribbons adorned the lift-gate of mini-vans. It was a time before the emergence of our country’s collective sense of anger and revenge immediately post 9/11. The bad taste of Viet Nam was still on the national pallet and there was a conscious desire by most to distance themselves from anything that looked like the military or military service.

In all fairness to the frat boys, most of their college professors had, just a few years earlier, been anti-war protestors and still identified themselves as academic elitists, social activists, and anti-military authorities. The lessons of Viet Nam were still being taught and our country was still taking notes. We hadn’t even started to learn from those lessons. It would take years before the healing would begin.

A month after the last miserable social, the sorority held it’s big winter event and the girl I was dating invited me to accompany her. Honestly, I didn’t really want to endure another evening of strained conversation, condescending treatment, and the antics of drunken frat boys intent on helping me feel more out of place. But I went.

When I walked into the banquet hall with my date, I could feel the eyes of the boys from a month earlier. They stood off to the left with their dates and laughed and pointed in my direction. I’d barely even entered the banquet hall when I could see just about everyone looking our way, the boys openly laughing and the girls whispering and giggling with their hands over their mouths.

I’d taken their advice and shown up in uniform. That had certainly gotten their attention.

And as they laughed and pointed I looked back at the door.

No, I wasn’t about to leave. I just gave a signal and the door opened up and in walked my whole squad of Marines … all in Dress Blues.

The frat boys started to wilt in the presence of Marines standing tall and proud. And their dates stopped whispering and started to smile those smiles that cross a girl’s face when they see something they like. It turns out that ascots and izods don’t really compete well with Marines in Dress Blues. By the end of the evening two of the guys in my squad left with girls from the sorority and a couple of others had gotten phone numbers and addresses.

And in the background I could hear Frampton singing, “Do you … YOU, feel like we do?”

Maybe so, Pete, maybe so.

——————————

WRITER’S WORKSHOP

Some of you have been telling me to write a book for a long time. One of the things I did toward that end was to attend a writer’s workshop.

I’m still in need of your help.

Would you go to the USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP website blog page: http://usmcfitnessbootcamp.com/blog/

Once there, would you scroll down to the Archives section, click on your birthday month on any year you want and read the four newsletters — just the story part at the beginning — and let me know which one of those stories you like best. If none of those four are any good, would you do the same thing for a different year until you find at least one that you like?

If you can find at least one story that you like, let me know what the date and title of that newsletter is, please.

Thank you!

And if you’ve already done this for me, thank you, thank you!

———————————–

SGT. TONY’S HALF MARATHON TRAINING!

The St. Jude Half Marathon continues this Saturday, October 15. We’ll meet in front of the Visitor’s Center at Shelby Farms at 7am.

Saturday’s run will be for 1hr 40 min, as we drop back a bit.

Don’t forget sports drink and fuel for the long run!

Training is open to all. Cost for the three month training is $75 for members of USMC Fitness Boot Camp and $120 for non-boot campers.

If you’re NOT training for a half marathon but want to get your one hour of continuous cardio with a group, you can join us for that hour. We’ll be passing through the parking lot of the Visitor’s Center about every 25 minutes or so from 7:10 on.

————————————

TOMORROW, Thursday, October 13 is BOGA at 0530 in the “blue” gym.

NEXT TUESDAY, October 18 is the Mt. Fuji Workout at the U of M at 0530.

————————————

THE MWF 0830 CLASS!

AKA “The Desperate Housewives Class” is BAAAAACK!!! (Yes, there are dudes in this class too!) (“The Real Housewives of East Memphis” is a possible name too!)

The 0830 class is back on ACTIVE DUTY on MWF!

——————————————

I GOTTA GUY!!! (And a GAL)

I like to share the names of people I do business with and trust so that if you need services that they offer you’ll know someone trustworthy to contact.

1. Margaret Caffey.
Thinking about a trip to Walt Disney World, Universal to see Harry Potter, or maybe a Disney Cruise – Margaret Caffey has turned her passion for all things Disney into a career and is now a travel agent with MEI & Mouse Fan Travel. For all your Disney travel planning or just to ask a question call Margaret at 901-828-6354. Also please take a second to ‘like’ her Facebook page at Mouse Fan Margaret. (https://www.facebook.com/login/setashome.php?ref=login#!/pages/Mouse-Fan-Margaret/130316623686981).

PS – I hear she knows a lot about all the cruise lines too! Margret is MY personal Disney trip planner! No one, and I mean NO ONE, knows more about Disney than Mags!

Dr John Whittemore was voted Best Family Dentist in Memphis Parent Magazine’s most recent survey.
Also voted Hot List Cosmetic Dentist in the Memphis Flyer and listed among Top Dentists in Memphis Magazine every year. If you want personalized, caring general or cosmetic dentistry on a whole other level than you’ve experienced before, call John’s office to make an appointment. (901)-754-0540.

John is also selling his 4BR/3BA house on Audubon Drive.

3. Richard Bourland – “Your Boot Camp Handyman” – Home Improvement, Carpentry, Custom Bunk Beds and other Woodworking Services, rebourland@yahoo.com, 901.826-6695. www.midsouthbunkbeds.com

You can see a much longer and detailed list of people I refer on the USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP website blog page. Once on the blog page use the search window, keyword “Buddy,” and it’ll take you to that page.

If you drop my name, you might get a discount. But for sure you’ll get their sympathy and prayers!

If you’d like to be listed here in “I GOTTA GUY” just let me know!

——————————————-

BOOT CAMP DISCOUNTS!

The monthly fee of $75 can be discounted to $55!

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

THE MONTHLY FEE OF $75 CAN BE DISCOUNTED TO $55!

Here’s how …

Make a Facebook status update and get a discount!

For every status update that you make that references:
“USMC Fitness Boot Camp,”
“Sgt. Tony’s Boot Camp,”
“Tony’s Boot Camp,”
or something similar, you can take $2.50 off your reenlistment fee for each update, up to $20 off for any given month! You can go from $75 to $55 a month!!

Your status update has to be a SPECIFIC reference to USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP or to me specifically by name. (There are fake boot camps out there!!)

You can also use “Places” on Facebook or Foursquare linked to your Facebook account to “check in” and you’ll get the same discount!

Use your own wording and personality, just include the specifics.

So log on and get started today!

—————————————

UNEMPLOYED PERSON’S DISCOUNT

If you’ve been a Boot Camper in the past and you are currently unemployed, you can get a special discount. Email me for the details. Seriously! Email me! NOW! And don’t be embarrassed. I will make you an offer that you can’t refuse. Seriously.

—————————————

LAW ENFORCEMENT AND FIRE DEPARTMENT DISCOUNTS

Police Officers, Sheriff’s Deputies, and Memphis Firefighters qualify for a special discount! It’s the least I can do to ensure that our law enforcement officers and firefighters are fit for their job!! Pass the word!

—————————————

NEW PRICING FOR FAMILIES AND COUPLES

If you’re part of a family (usually husband and wife) that does USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP together, a new pricing plan goes into effect in August! Ask me about it! You’ll like it!

—————————————–

WANT TO LOSE 10 to 15 POUNDS BY THE END OF NOVEMBER?

Take Shape For Life is the BEST weight loss program I know of. If you’d like to lose weight talk to me. This is the program I used to lose the almost 30 pounds I gained after knee surgery. Let me help you!

You can also go to www.combatchallenge.tsfl.com/

——————————————-

TUESDAY & THURSDAY EVENING CLASS

The Tuesday and Thursday evening classes meet at St. Mary’s track. These are cardio (walking/jogging/running) workouts and they begin at 5:45 PM.

St. Mary’s is at the corner of Walnut Grove and Perkins.

———————————————-

CALENDAR

A calendar has been added to the official USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP website.

http://www.usmcfitnessbootcamp.com/calendar.html

For you visual learners, you’ll find this an easy way to glance at the week or month and see where the workouts will be, if there’s a venue change.

——————-

ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF GETTING OFF YOUR ASS IS RIGHT FOR YOU!

To your optimum health and fitness!

SEE YOU ON THE QUARTERDECK!

Tony

Sergeant Major Tony Ludlow

USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP, Commanding
Mailing address: 4888 Southern Ave., Memphis, TN 38117
Cell Phone: 901-644-0145
www.usmcfitnessbootcamp.com

http://www.combatchallenge.tsfl.com/esuite/home/combatchallenge/

Here is what you’ve been waiting for: the October installment of “Ask Sgt. Tony!” I answer your questions, both real and manufactured!

Q. Sgt. Tony, how many crunches do I need to do everyday to get six pack abs?

A. Crunches aren’t the key to six pack abs. You’ve already got six pack abs. They’re just hiding under a “down comforter!” The key is to get rid of the comforter through diet and exercise. But you can’t spot reduce. You can do a thousand crunches a day and your six pack abs will continue to be hidden unless you adjust your caloric intake and crank up your exercise. Your body loses weight like a snowman melts in the sunshine: all over at the same time.

A few years ago researchers did a study of body fat among college and professional female tennis players. Thinking that right-handed players who didn’t use their left hand for two-handed backhands would have less body fat in their right arms, researchers compared the percentage of body fat of the players’ right and left arms. What they found was remarkable. Both arms had the same percentage of body fat, even though the players’ dominant arm was visibly more muscular than their non-dominant arm.

Q. Sgt. Tony, why don’t we do more exercises to target the love handles?

A. The love handles, also known as the oblique muscles, are muscles. If we do exercises that target the obliques, we will tone and develope those muscles — read, “make them bigger” — and that’s probably not what you want. What you want is to decrease the size of the fat that rests on top of those muscles. See the answer above about spot reduction.

Q. Sgt. Tony, when is it time to increase the weight of my dumbbells?

A. Now.

Unless you just increased them last week or unless you’re a female using 20’s or a guy using 35’s. Those seem to be the max out weights.

Q. Sgt. Tony, is it better to do a few reps with good form or a lot of reps with less range of motion?

A. Which do YOU think?

Q. I think it’s the better form one.

A. I think you’re right.

Q. Sgt. Tony, since I’m a girl, I don’t want to get over muscular.

A. You won’t. Not enough testosterone. So go for it!

Q. Sgt. Tony, I’m focusing more on my running, so I won’t be doing any strength work.

A. That’s not a question and it’s stupid on top of that. I hear this often from people with a limited background in athletics. Somehow the notion that one athletic activity is enough for overall fitness, health, and athletic performance in that activity, has made it to the ranks of amateur and recreational athletic circles. With the exception of the most elite runners and cyclists, total body strength work is essential for everyone reading this. Tour de France level cyclists seldom do any upper body strength work for fear of gaining muscle weight in a muscle group that doesn’t make the bike move faster.

Q. Sgt. Tony, do you eat anything before your workouts.

A. Generally nothing within the hour before a workout and then it’s only something light, like a half PB&J sandwich on white bread. I’m a fan of wheat bread, but I’ve found that the white bread goes down better for pre-workout meals.

Q. Sgt. Tony, have you ever overslept and missed a 0530 workout?

A. In over 12 years I’ve NEVER overslept or been late or missed a 0530 workout due to oversleeping. That’s over 3,000 mornings that started before 5:30am. The key is to have more than one alarm set. I have an alarm clock on my nightstand that’s my snooze alarm clock. It’s set for 4am. Across the room on my chest of drawers is my “last call” alarm clock set to 4:30. When it goes off I have to get out of bed to turn it off. Once that one goes off, I get up and start moving. No returning back to the bed.

Q. Sgt. Tony, what exercise can I do to get “cut?”

A. The only way to get “cut” is to cut the calories you eat while continuing to exercise. I was behind a woman in line at the grocery store the other day and she was CUT!! I mean, REALLY CUT. Unfortunately she was also suffering from an eating disorder too. She doesn’t eat and her percentage of body fat is probably around 5% or less. But SHE IS CUT!

The healthy way to get cut is through proper nutrition and reduced calorie intake, coupled with exercise that includes strength and cardio training. Body builders, immediately prior to a competition or photo shoot, will work insanely and eat next to nothing, working hard to maintain their muscle mass while at the same time shrinking their percentage of body fat. It allows a body builder a very narrow window to showcase that result. A competition level physique can’t be maintained indefinitely.

Q. Sgt. Tony, is there anything you want to get off your chest? Anything you want to complain about?

A. Yes, there is.

Fellas, quit spitting. Unless you’re having dental work done or you’re running a 5K or something … just don’t do it.

Guys, if a pretty woman walks by, act like you’ve seen one before. Don’t gawk, leer, or stare. And for Pete’s sake, don’t whistle, bark, or yell something stupid. In the history of mankind and womankind those tactics have worked exactly zero times.

I don’t understand the interest in the following: the Kardashians, the real housewives shows, the “reality” shows, the dancing shows, the singing shows, the talent shows … so much mediocrity and shallowness, a mile wide and thimble-deep; more than just a slightly shameful waste of time.

I don’t understand how a visionary world changer like Steve Jobs (56) can be taken so young and parasitic people like Bernie Madoff (73) can continue to draw breath and grow old.

When I was a teen, my father attempted to teach me the meaning of Thoreau’s “the mass of men live lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”

“Put your hand in that bucket of water,” my dad said to me.

“Yes, sir,” I said, and did as he commanded.

“Now, stir your hand around and churn the water,” he ordered.

“Yes, sir,” I said, and did as instructed. The water swirled and looked like a little sea in a storm. Some of the water splashed out.

“Now, take your hand out of the bucket,” he said. I did. And in a moment the bucket of water returned to the peaceful state that it was in prior to my disrupting it.

“See the water? It’s back to normal. Your hand made no difference. And all of your splashing around in life won’t make any difference either,” he said.

It set my mind to thinking.

One thing was sure, dad never met the founder of Apple.

And this from the late Steve Jobs:

“Your time is limited; so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Amen, Steve. Amen.

————————-

WRITER’S WORKSHOP

Some of you have been telling me to write a book for a long time. One of the things I did toward that end was to attend a writer’s workshop.

I’m still in need of your help.

Would you go to the USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP website blog page: http://usmcfitnessbootcamp.com/blog/

Once there, would you scroll down to the Archives section, click on your birthday month on any year you want and read the four newsletters — just the story part at the beginning — and let me know which one of those stories you like best. If none of those four are any good, would you do the same thing for a different year until you find at least one that you like?

If you can find at least one story that you like, let me know what the date and title of that newsletter is, please.

Thank you!

And if you’ve already done this for me, thank you, thank you!

———————————–

SGT. TONY’S HALF MARATHON TRAINING!

The St. Jude Half Marathon continues this Saturday, October 8. We’ll meet in front of the Visitor’s Center at Shelby Farms at 7am.

Saturday’s run will be for two hours.

Don’t forget sports drink and fuel for the long run!

Training is open to all. Cost for the three month training is $75 for members of USMC Fitness Boot Camp and $120 for non-boot campers.

If you’re NOT training for a half marathon but want to get your one hour of continuous cardio with a group, you can join us for that hour. We’ll be passing through the parking lot of the Visitor’s Center about every 25 minutes or so from 7:10 on.

————————————

THE MWF 0830 CLASS!

AKA “The Desperate Housewives Class” is BAAAAACK!!! (Yes, there are dudes in this class too!) (“The Real Housewives of East Memphis” is a possible name too!)

The 0830 class is back on ACTIVE DUTY on MWF!

——————————————

I GOTTA GUY!!! (And a GAL)

I like to share the names of people I do business with and trust so that if you need services that they offer you’ll know someone trustworthy to contact.

1. Margaret Caffey.
Thinking about a trip to Walt Disney World, Universal to see Harry Potter, or maybe a Disney Cruise – Margaret Caffey has turned her passion for all things Disney into a career and is now a travel agent with MEI & Mouse Fan Travel. For all your Disney travel planning or just to ask a question call Margaret at 901-828-6354. Also please take a second to ‘like’ her Facebook page at Mouse Fan Margaret. (https://www.facebook.com/login/setashome.php?ref=login#!/pages/Mouse-Fan-Margaret/130316623686981).

PS – I hear she knows a lot about all the cruise lines too! Margret is MY personal Disney trip planner! No one, and I mean NO ONE, knows more about Disney than Mags!

2. Dr John Whittemore was voted Best Family Dentist in Memphis Parent Magazine’s most recent survey.
Also voted Hot List Cosmetic Dentist in the Memphis Flyer and listed among Top Dentists in Memphis Magazine every year. If you want personalized, caring general or cosmetic dentistry on a whole other level than you’ve experienced before, call John’s office to make an appointment. (901)-754-0540.

John is also selling his 4BR/3BA house on Audubon Drive.

3. Richard Bourland – “Your Boot Camp Handyman” – Home Improvement, Carpentry, Custom Bunk Beds and other Woodworking Services, rebourland@yahoo.com, 901.826-6695. www.midsouthbunkbeds.com

You can see a much longer and detailed list of people I refer on the USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP website blog page. Once on the blog page use the search window, keyword “Buddy,” and it’ll take you to that page.

If you drop my name, you might get a discount. But for sure you’ll get their sympathy and prayers!

If you’d like to be listed here in “I GOTTA GUY” just let me know!

——————————————-

BOOT CAMP DISCOUNTS!

The monthly fee of $75 can be discounted to $55!

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

THE MONTHLY FEE OF $75 CAN BE DISCOUNTED TO $55!

Here’s how …

Make a Facebook status update and get a discount!

For every status update that you make that references:
“USMC Fitness Boot Camp,”
“Sgt. Tony’s Boot Camp,”
“Tony’s Boot Camp,”
or something similar, you can take $2.50 off your reenlistment fee for each update, up to $20 off for any given month! You can go from $75 to $55 a month!!

Your status update has to be a SPECIFIC reference to USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP or to me specifically by name. (There are fake boot camps out there!!)

You can also use “Places” on Facebook or Foursquare linked to your Facebook account to “check in” and you’ll get the same discount!

Use your own wording and personality, just include the specifics.

So log on and get started today!

—————————————

UNEMPLOYED PERSON’S DISCOUNT

If you’ve been a Boot Camper in the past and you are currently unemployed, you can get a special discount. Email me for the details. Seriously! Email me! NOW! And don’t be embarrassed. I will make you an offer that you can’t refuse. Seriously.

—————————————

LAW ENFORCEMENT AND FIRE DEPARTMENT DISCOUNTS

Police Officers, Sheriff’s Deputies, and Memphis Firefighters qualify for a special discount! It’s the least I can do to ensure that our law enforcement officers and firefighters are fit for their job!! Pass the word!

—————————————

NEXT TUESDAY, October 11 is the M-16 Workout at Christ Methodist at 0530.

—————————————

HEAT INDEX

Anytime the heat index is 100 or above we’ll go inside.

If the conditions warrant it, the evening class may also be found on the courtyard inside the day school area.

——————————————-

NEW PRICING FOR FAMILIES AND COUPLES

If you’re part of a family (usually husband and wife) that does USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP together, a new pricing plan goes into effect in August! Ask me about it! You’ll like it!

—————————————–

WANT TO LOSE 10 to 15 POUNDS BY THE END OF OCTOBER?

Take Shape For Life is the BEST weight loss program I know of. If you’d like to lose weight talk to me. This is the program I used to lose the almost 30 pounds I gained after knee surgery. Let me help you!

You can also go to www.combatchallenge.tsfl.com/

——————————————-

TUESDAY & THURSDAY EVENING CLASS

The Tuesday and Thursday evening classes meet at St. Mary’s track. These are cardio (walking/jogging/running) workouts and they begin at 5:45 PM.

St. Mary’s is at the corner of Walnut Grove and Perkins.

———————————————-

CALENDAR

A calendar has been added to the official USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP website.

http://www.usmcfitnessbootcamp.com/calendar.html

For you visual learners, you’ll find this an easy way to glance at the week or month and see where the workouts will be, if there’s a venue change.

——————-

ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF GETTING OFF YOUR ASS IS RIGHT FOR YOU!

To your optimum health and fitness!

SEE YOU ON THE QUARTERDECK!

Tony

Sergeant Major Tony Ludlow

USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP, Commanding
Mailing address: 4888 Southern Ave., Memphis, TN 38117
Cell Phone: 901-644-0145
www.usmcfitnessbootcamp.com

http://www.combatchallenge.tsfl.com/esuite/home/combatchallenge/