Sergeant Tony's Blog

POLARIS — Sgt. Tony Ludlow’s Newsletter for Dec. 15, 2010

Wednesday, Dec. 15th 2010 2:50 PM

Across the open field I ran … scared straight!

Alone, running as fast as I could under a cloudless night sky, the farmhouse behind me engulfed in spotlight from the three or four cop cars that had just moments before descended on it.

I was sure I could hear the barking of police dogs in hot pursuit and knew that they’d be on me in no time if I didn’t run faster. I’d covered about 200 yards and had to get to the tree line, now about 100 yards ahead of me.

The night had started normal enough.

My buddies and I were spending another summer Saturday night with nothing much to do. Teenagers in small towns don’t have many options. One of my friends and I had been driving around town and we’d parked in front of a grocery store where some other friends from school had parked. We were just hanging out. Mostly bored.

An acquired level of acceptable boredom keeps a lot of small town young people mired in mediocrity for the whole of their lives. This particular night several of us didn’t want to be bored. We wanted some fun and excitement. But there weren’t many things to spark much fun or excitement that night. So when Joey (not his real name), a guy I barely knew, pulled up and said he was going to a party that was gonna be epic, I was more than willing to check it out.

Joey was sketchy. He was one of those guys who came across as some sort of a “thug-wanna-be.” He was arrogant, mouthy, and bragged about his wild ways and the girls who wanted him. He and I played little league football together when we were 9 years old. Outside of that, he and I had never been close friends. But that night he was better than the lame options I’d been weighing. And besides, he had two girls in his car and I had none.

By this time my buddy had already abandoned me when the girl he was “kind of dating” had driven up and ordered him around like a trained monkey. He hopped when she said jump and left with her. I called him a number of fitting names as they drove off together. No wonder she didn’t like me. (Years later he actually married this girl.)

Joey told me to get in his car. He’d drive. So I got in the back seat of Joey’s car. Susan was in the backseat too. I didn’t know Susan so we started talking and I paid no attention to where we were actually going. She was cute and seemed pretty cool. Said she’d just broken up with her boyfriend and she was afraid that he “might” be at the party too. Great. The last thing I wanted was to be caught up in some drama with a jealous ex-boyfriend and a girl I just met.

We finally got to the long “driveway” that led from the road to the farmhouse. It was then that I realized that I had no idea where we were. Out in the middle of nowhere is all I could determine. South of town, I thought. I also had no idea whose farmhouse it was. No matter. There were probably 20 cars parked all around the front yard, music blaring, lots of energy, and there seemed to be a lot of people having a good time. Fun was afoot!

I got out of the car and followed along with Joey, his girl, and Susan as we headed toward the farmhouse. I walked just close enough to be a part of the group, but not close enough to Susan to give some paranoid jealous ex-boyfriend reason to think that I was “with” her.

Sure enough, Susan’s ex came marching up, gave me a dirty look, and started pleading with her. I just kept walking past him. I could hear Susan trying to explain to him that it was over. He seemed to think it wasn’t. He started begging. Dude was clueless. I didn’t turn around but just kept walking with Joey and his girl toward the music and fun. I’m allergic to drama.

On the porch outside of the farmhouse were two giant speakers blasting out songs from The Eagles, The Doobie Brothers, and Pink Floyd. The place, inside and out, looked like a page out of Woodstock, with people wrapped up in blankets, and others standing around drinking and smoking pot. I’d never seen so many kegs and assorted bottles of booze in my life. Everyone seemed drunk, stoned, wasted or in some other alternate state of inebriation or incapacitation. Everyone seemed quite happy. There was a pot-smoke-fog that hung in the air. I think I got high from second hand smoke as I walked through the house, looking for someone I might know other than Joey, who had disappeared.

I grabbed a beer and started nursing it as I walked through the house. In the dim light I could see couples who were … well … coupling. It was easy to trip over the couples coupling. There was coupling going on everywhere it seemed. Apparently the party had been in full swing for a while and teams had already been paired up, so to speak.

I’d been there for about 30 minutes when I was in the hallway of the house looking for the bathroom when I became aware of an abrupt change in the energy of the place. Something didn’t seem right. And then I heard someone yell, “COPS!!”

Uh oh.

People smokin’ weed don’t move fast, but they all started to stir and scurry about like squirrels caught in a cage. They sort of reminded me of those old-school football game toys. You know the ones with the little plastic players who move around by the vibration of the metal “field.” Some of those players always spun around in circles. Same thing was going on in the farmhouse.

I started running toward the back of the house looking for a door. I found myself in a bedroom where the “COPS!” alarm had not been heard and the couples coupling in that room were still coupling and oblivious to the buzz kill about to overtake the house and its occupants. Coupleus interruptus.

I looked back toward the front part of the house, about to retrace my steps and look for another way out when I saw the flash of lights from flashlights and car mounted spotlights. It looked like a Star Wars light saber fight was going on. I knew that a return trip through the house was out of the question.

I started to panic.

The bedroom where I was had an open window. With no other option, I ran toward the first floor window and dove out of it Superman-like. I hit the ground and started running across the open field behind the farmhouse. I saw others running around like the proverbial chickens with their heads cut off. The stoners didn’t seem to have the benefit of logic or deduction. Some were running in slow-motion to their cars. Where the cops were. Where the cops had blocked all of their cars. Including Joey’s car.

I finally hit the tree line and started running through the woods as fast as I could. With limited visibility, I crashed into trees. I tripped over roots and fell, several times. Tree branches scratched my arms. Thorn bushes and vines ripped my jeans and cut my face.

Good times.

And I had no idea where I was or where I was going. Fear of the unknown, in the dark, in the woods, on the run got my heart rate spiking.

I reached another open space and stopped to look at the night sky. I paused just long enough to find stars and orient myself to run north toward town, away from the farmhouse. (Thank you Boy Scouts!)

I kept running and stumbling and tripping through the woods. By this time I was a sweaty, dirty, bloody mess when I finally got to a paved road. I couldn’t see anything on that road in either direction. No houses. No cars. No signs. Nothing.

But I knew which way north was.

After about 20 minutes on that road, in the half-moonlight, I thought I recognized some landmarks. And then I saw a house off to the right in the far distance. The road started to look familiar. I’d been there before!

This was a section of lonesome road known to my older brother’s crew as “Zigthaller’s.” Named after old man Zigthaller, who allegedly had a farm out there somewhere, my brother, Jack, and his buddies had used this stretch of desolate road to drag race. And he’d taken me with him a few times. (Thanks Jack!)

It was great knowing where I was. And it was terrible too. I was way way out in the middle of nowhere. But at least I knew where I was and where I needed to go. So I started jogging down the road in the direction of town, hiding behind a tree or in a ditch or behind a bush every time a car came down the road. I was sure that the cops were still patrolling the area looking to round us all up and I could NOT get arrested. I’d already joined the Marines by this time and an arrest would derail my Marine Corps career forever.

I eventually made it to a quickie mart convenience store. They had a pay phone. I called my brother and about 30 long minutes later, he picked me up. When he saw the mess I’d become he started laughing uncontrollably. He laughed at me all the way to where my car was parked. He was still laughing at me when he dropped me off.

It was now after 2 in the morning and my mother was waiting for me when I got home. She was both relieved and angry. Mostly angry. She collected my car keys (MY car, mind you. Bought and paid for by yours truly) and she grounded me for eternity … in fact I think I’m still grounded!

Lessons learned?

My gut feelings about Joey were accurate. While I was in grad school, he was doing a 10 year stretch in prison.

Gut feelings ought to be minded.

I also learned that small seemingly inconsequential decisions can have enormous consequences.

I also learned a valuable lesson about decision making in general. In order to know which way to go, you first have to know where you are. And then you have to know where you want to go and then plot a course to get there. Sometimes a direction is all you can determine and that can be good enough to start the journey.

When Alice came to the fork in the road and asked the Cheshire Cat which road to take, he said, “Well, that depends on where you want to get to.”

“Oh, it really doesn’t matter …” answered Alice.

“Then it really doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.

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HOLIDAY HELP?

Even Santa had a team! If you have need for an extra pair of hands during the holidays for anything from party prep help to gift wrapping to running errands, a boot camper’s hands are ready to save the day!

Just contact me and I’ll forward your email on to her!

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BOOT CAMP DISCOUNTS AND FACEBOOK EXPERIMENT!

Here’s how it works!

Make a Facebook status update and get a discount!

For every status update that you make that references:
“USMC Fitness Boot Camp,”
“Sgt. Tony’s Boot Camp,”
“Tony’s Boot Camp,”
or something similar, you can take $2.50 off your reenlistment fee for each update!

You can take up to $20 off for any given month!

Your status update has to be a specific reference to USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP or to me specifically by name. And be sure to tag me.

You can do the same thing by “checking in” at USMC Fitness Boot Camp either by using Facebook “places,” Foursquare, or any of the other “check in” apps that show up on your Facebook News Feed.

So log on and start getting your discounts now!

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SPRING HALF MARATHON!

There are at least four half marathons in the spring! There is one in Nashville, Louisville, St. Louis, and Oklahoma City! (The Germantown Half Marathon is also in March.)

I’ll begin the training on January 29 for the spring half marathon! More details to follow!

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WIND CHILL AND INCLEMENT WEATHER POLICY

When the wind chill is 29 or lower, we’ll go inside at 0530, 0830, and 5:45 PM. The 0645 class is inside from now until March.

Check with weather.com or The Weather Channel. I’ll post it on my Facebook page and the Boot Camp website Blog page (http://usmcfitnessbootcamp.com/blog/) if there’s a question. And if you’re not sure, you can text me at 901-644-0145.

What about inclement weather days?

We’ll follow the Memphis City Schools decision. If they close, we’ll stand-down. If they close in the morning but the streets are clear and good to go by the afternoon, the evening class will meet. I’ll post that status on Facebook and the Boot Camp Blog page.

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PERSONAL TRAINING!

I’ve got a few prime hours open during the week if you know someone looking for a trainer. I use the facilities at Christ Methodist and the hourly rates are standard for Memphis. Over-all fitness training, boot camp style workouts, strength training, sports specific conditioning and agility (tennis, soccer, basketball, etc.)
TonyLudlow@aol.com or 901-644-0145

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BOOT CAMP GIFT CERTIFICATES

You can give the gift of fitness for Christmas! For only $75 you can give a gift certificate good for a month of Boot Camp to any of your family or friends! I’ve got ‘em printed up and ready for you!

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FREE MONTH OF BOOT CAMP FOR YOU!

Remember that when one of your family or friends joins the program because of your recruiting them, YOU get a free month of Boot Camp!

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THE 0830 AND THE 0645 CLASSES!!

The 0830 Class meets on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Don’t forget that there is child care available at the church for this class!

The 0645 meets on MWF inside!

ATTENTION 0830 CLASS MEMBERS: please remember that no cell phone usage is allowed while you drive your car on the campus. So when you pull onto the campus, no cell phones please!

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NEW PRICING FOR FAMILIES AND COUPLES

If you’re a part of a family (usually husband and wife) that does USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP, a new pricing plan goes into effect in August! Ask me about it! You’ll like it!

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WANT TO LOSE 10 POUNDS BY THE END OF 2010?

Take Shape For Life is the BEST weight loss program I know of. If you’d like to lose weight talk to me. This is the program I used to lose the almost 30 pounds I gained after knee surgery. Let me help you!

You can also go to www.combatchallenge.tsfl.com/

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NO MT. FUJI WORKOUT THIS MONTH.

Next Tuesday will be the M-16 Workout at 0530.

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TUESDAY & THURSDAY EVENING CLASSES ARE ON HIATUS UNTIL FEB 2011

The Tuesday and Thursday evening classes are standing down until the last week in January.

However, I’ll be running at 4:30 PM at St. Mary’s track on Tues and Thursday and you’re welcome to join me for an informal jog fest!

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CALENDAR

A calendar has been added to the official USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP website.
http://www.usmcfitnessbootcamp.com/calendar.html

For you visual learners, you’ll find this an easy way to glance at the week or month and see where the workouts will be, if there’s a venue change.

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What would you do if money were not an issue, fear were not a factor, and failure were not an option?

To your optimum health and fitness!

SEE YOU ON THE QUARTERDECK!

Tony

Sergeant Major Tony Ludlow

USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP, Commanding
Mailing address: 4888 Southern Ave., Memphis, TN 38117
Cell Phone: 901-644-0145

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