Sergeant Tony's Blog

I have always been cool.

It’s true.

Don’t be no hater.

In school I was voted “Wittiest Boy.” There wasn’t a “Coolest Boy” category or I’d have locked that one down!

Unfortunately, a few years ago I lost my cool. It was a sad and near tragic chapter in my life. I left the United States bound for Tokyo in the late 80′s a pretty cool guy. I had popped Izod collars and pushed up jacket sleeves like the dudes on “Miami Vice.”

I returned in the late 90′s, ten years later, not cool at all. Pop culture, music, vocabulary and social interaction ques had all changed during the decade I was gone.

You probably didn’t notice the changes. You were here and absorbed and assimilated it all in small daily doses over time. Hardly aware of it. Sort of like how parents of little children don’t really notice how much the little ones grow, but others who don’t see them very often do.

I was like Rip Van Winkle woken from a very long sleep.

Life didn’t change too much back in Rip’s day while he was asleep, but modern American pop culture and humor sure did. Those things had changed drastically while I was gone. Things that were funny when I left, were old and not funny anymore. And things that everyone was laughing at in conversation and at parties when I returned were very confusing to me.

This was allegedly MY language and MY culture, but I was lost in translation. I had no idea what any of it meant. I remember laughing a lot in conversation … but faking it. Clueless. “Why is THAT funny?” and “What does THAT mean?” I asked myself constantly.

I was not hip. I was not cool.

I was a wallflower at parties and frustrated because I couldn’t contribute to conversations. I found out quickly that few, if any, wanted me to tell them all about Japan and the Japanese. In fact, the average person thought Japan, Korea, and China were all pretty much the same. And they didn’t care to hear about the differences. But that’s ALL I had been experiencing for the last 10 years. Those 10 years had ill-prepared for the new millennium in America.

By the time I left Japan, I was marginally funny there. I’d learned the language and the culture and the history so that I could be hip, sort of … in Japan. For example, when a foreigner speaks Japanese in Japan the Japanese are usually shocked! Even THEY consider their language too hard for someone not born into it to learn. And they would always say, “OH, Tony-san! Your Japanese is so good!” And I would say, “Oh, well … somehow I get by.” And they would always laugh and be even further impressed! Why? Because the exact expression I used, and the way I said it, was a pop culture expression I’d learned from watching a popular Japanese TV show.

So I reasoned, “If it worked in Japan, it’ll work here in America too.”

So I started watching a lot of TV. What I found out was that the two American TV shows that had the most significant impact on American pop culture and humor were “Friends” and “Seinfeld.”

I started watching reruns and videos of those shows. You have NO idea how much those two shows influenced American culture, perspective, language, and catch phrases. It was like having the Rosetta Stone and unlocking the mysteries of my own language.

Let me just say this, the casts of both shows were magical and talented. The characters they played, however, made me want to scream! I didn’t relate to any of the the guys in those shows. No real men were sitting on the couch at “Central Perk.” And all of the girls were neurotic whack-a-doodles. But they were very funny and the impact of those shows could NOT be denied.

And that brings me to today, December 23, 2009. Festivus.

Festivus is a made up holiday, thanks to the writers of “Seinfeld.” In an episode made famous by Jerry Stiller, the comedic genius father of Ben Stiller, we are introduced to “Festivus,” the holiday for the “rest-of-us.” It’s silly and goofy and funny. And that episode aired a couple of years before I returned from Japan. Imagine how ignorant I felt the first time one of my hip and funny friends said “Happy Festivus!” and then started laughing and talking about “feats of strength.”

I thought he was crazy.

Whatever your persuasion and celebration this time of year, I hope yours is merry and happy! I hope that however you celebrate this season that it promotes hope and love, goodness and peace, generosity and kindness, openness and tolerance. That you have no litmus test for your acceptance of others and no conditions for your love of your fellow man. I hope that you will always give the other person the benefit of the doubt and that your celebrations this season are a recommitment to charity toward all and malice toward none.

Happy Festivus Everyone!

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HOLIDAY SCHEDULE

Tomorrow morning at 0530 we will have our last workout of 2009! No other classes will meet. We will stand down until 0530, Monday January 4, 2010. All classes will be back on active duty on 4 January 2010.

Tomorrow’s workout is also the optional “Speedo Workout!” This is a Jim Steiner invention! He always said that the last workout of the year ought to be done wearing a Speedo. (Of course HE never wore one!! But he encouraged others to!) And no, it doesn’t have to be a Speedo brand suit. In Sport, Tyr, Mizuno, Nike … all acceptable!

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CONDOLENCES

Our condolences go out to Teresa Faulk and her family. Both of Teresa’s parents passed away this past week. Her Mom & Dad’s Memorial Service/Visitation will be tomorrow, December 24 at 11:00 AM, Bartlett Funeral Home, 5803 Stage Road.

Please keep Teresa and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

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NEW WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM!

In the 10 year history of USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP I have never endorsed a weight loss program. I have always given the advice, “eat less, move more.” Which works. But is very hard to accomplish. For this reason I’m officially recommending, and partnering with, the Take Shape For Life weight loss program! This is a very successful and results oriented weight loss program developed by physicians, recommended by over 20,000 physicians, and endorsed by John’s Hopkins Hospital. And now by USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP.

I’ve written a short description of why I’ve chosen Take Shape For Life on the website blog: http://usmcfitnessbootcamp.com/blog/2009/12/01/take-shape-for-life/

If you’d like to go directly to the Take Shape For Life website and bang around there for a bit. Go to: www.combatchallenge.tsfl.com

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THE WEATHER OUTSIDE …

Here are the FIVE BENEFITS OF COLD WEATHER WORKOUTS

1. Strengthens the immune system.

2. Naturally increases the body’s production of saratonin, a natural calming chemical in your body.

3. Increased calorie burn!

4. Runny noses keep the cooties from taking up residence and making you sick.

5. Bragging rights! You get to tell your sissy “indoor” friends how tough YOU are!

Dress for colder temperatures by layering. Pay attention to the wind and note the wind chill.

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SNOW DAYS!!

In the event of snow, we will follow Memphis City Schools. If MCS shuts down, we will stand down.

If the snow comes while MCS is on break, check the blog on the USMC Fitness website where I’ll post my decision at 0500 of that day.

Likewise, if MCS shuts down in the morning and we stand down, but the streets are clear and fine by the afternoon, I’ll post my decision regarding the evening class on the blog by 1600 (4 PM).

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FACEBOOK

Find me on Facebook and make me your friend! (http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=629618416)
I’ll make you mine! Then join the USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP Group!

While you’re on Facebook, you might see an ad for USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP pop up. Do not click on it! Facebook charges me for every time someone clicks on it. That’s an ad for prospective Boot Campers!

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ORDER YOUR NEW YEARS AND/OR SUPER BOWL BOSTON BUTTS NOW! (I think saying “Boston Butts” is funny!)

Boot Camper Shelley Thomas, and also President of the Memphis in May Championship BBQ team Pit & The Pigulum II, extends a great offer.

The team is cooking up Boston Butts for just $30 each (8.5 lb. butts cooked to about 6 lbs.). The team’s trailer was stolen, which included most everything they owned, so this fundraiser will hopefully help purchase everything needed to compete again by May.

Place orders at PitandthePigulum@yahoo.com or at 237-9104. Orders received by Christmas allows for pick up (in Germantown) Thursday, Dec. 31. Orders received by Jan. 31 allows for pick up Saturday, Feb. 6.

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Let me say THANK YOU VERY MUCH for the wonderful gifts that you’ve given me these last few days! You are too kind! I appreciate it very much!

Have a very Merry Christmas everyone!
Tony

Sergeant Major Tony Ludlow
USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP, Commanding
Memphis, TN
901-644-0145
www.usmcfitnessbootcamp.com