Sergeant Tony's Blog

Mini-van.

Nothing says “cool” more than “mini-van.”

In the back area of every mini-van — EVERYONE’S mini-van — you’ll find at least one car seat. And along with the car seat you’ll find a vast assortment of toy parts, pacifiers, sippy cups, doodads, and whatnot. You’ll also find a variety of Goldfish, animal crackers, french fries, Cheerios, gummy bears, and half eaten stuff that no longer resembles whatever it was in it’s original form. And though the mini-van is probably only a couple of years old, carbon dating will prove that the “food remnants” excavated from those seat cushions is probably several hundred years old.

Unfortunately you’ll also find dried throw up, spit up, and a couple of used diapers that had been folded up and taped into that little bundle of toxic waste that somehow didn’t get thrown away, but instead rolled under the front seat … a couple of weeks ago.

And of course you’ll also find all manner of dirty and smelly clothes. Not all of which belong to the kids!

Indiana Jones wouldn’t venture into most of the mini-vans in Memphis!

This is the state of the mini-van next to you in traffic. The driver, usually a mom, looks stressed out and haggard, with a look on her face that is … well, scary. She’s got a ball cap pulled down on her head with the ponytail sticking out the little hole in the back. In the morning she’s racing down Poplar or Walnut Grove or wherever, juggling her coffee cup, putting on makeup, driving with her knees, negotiating traffic, going over vocabulary words with little Johnny, screaming back at little Suzy to quit crying because they left the house without her favorite stuffed animal.

Then there’s the whole Nazi carpool line at the school. You can’t be on your cell phone, you can’t talk to the teachers, you can’t make eye contact with the principal, you can’t chat with the other moms, you can’t cuss at your kids, you have to keep your hands on the wheel at 10 and 2, you have to keep your eyes to the front, you can’t have inappropriate hip hop music blaring on the radio. Good lord!

I know these things because I was a carpool dad. I had a life in the mini-van … for years! I was very cool. Since I was the parent who got up early to workout and run, I was also the parent who got the kids up and out the door and into the mini-van. The mini-van would have my kids and the Nelson’s kids … five kids in all. Five different sets of issues and needs. Five potential car-sick victims.

And this is just the “getting the kids to school” part. When you add to this scenario the over scheduled schedule of after school clubs, teams, and lessons … it’s enough to check yourself into the nearest mental health facility.

This is my public service announcement to you drivers of mini-vans (yes, your aircraft carrier sized Suburbans, your SUVs and the other “mom-mobiles” are included).

Here’s the announcement: Ease up!! Your kids do NOT need to be involved in all that crap. Trust me! Over-scheduling their time and depriving them of the opportunity to be creative, and even bored on occasion, isn’t helping. I promise! Learn to say “no!”

But here’s the real announcement: you moms need to exercise! You guys aren’t being good parents by depriving yourself of the exercise you need to be healthy and to de-stress your life. You can’t be any good to those little knuckleheads if you’re stressed out, over-weight, and out of shape. Take care of YOU first. When the flight attendants give their pre-flight instructions they tell you what to do in the event of a loss of cabin pressure. You put the mask on yourself first, and then you put the mask on your child.

When I’m in traffic next to one of those mini-vans … I always look over at that mobile zoo and say a little prayer for the mom driving that four wheeled circus down the road. “Lord, don’t let her kill me!”

Take care of yourself, y’all … you’re no good to anyone else if you’re no good for yourself.

Be selfish!

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YUMMY SPAGHETTI

Boot Camper Karen Almand’s husband Sam has started a side business, a dream, if you will, called Sam’s Signature Sauce. Sam’s spaghetti sauce is very good and very reasonable. I enjoyed some just this week! A family serving is only $10! You can place your order by contacting Sam Almand at creativealmand@gmail.com or call him at 901-685-3378

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BEDTIME FOR RICHARD!

My 0530 Assistant and Executive Officer, Richard Bourland is pursuing a dream too!
Need a custom bed made? - Richard is making custom bunk beds, beds and bed assesories. Each bed is made to order in his workshop. There are several models to choose from and will stain to the color of your choice. For more information contact Richard at any of the following: 826.6695, 1-800-bunkbed, www.1800bunkbed.com/901.

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SHELLY IS DREAMING OF A NEW JOB

A new boot camper is looking for work. She’s got years of experience in marketing and communications, and is extremely organized and gifted in account/project management. She will consider both part or full time, as well as organizational/administrative work. If you know of something that might work for her, let me know.

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St. JUDE FULL & HALF MARATHON THIS SATURDAY!!

The training is over!! It’s time get to the starting line and “DO IT!”

I’ve posted my tips and strategies for race week and for race day! You can find that on the website blog: http://usmcfitnessbootcamp.com/blog

I’ll be out on the course cheering you on! Look for me at about the 6.5 mile mark on South Parkway! I’ll be in the median to your left! Run by and I’ll give you a high five and a pat on the booty!

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0645 and 0830 CLASSES ARE ACTIVATED!!

The 0645 and 0830, both MWF classes, are in session!

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TUESDAY & THURSDAY EVENING CLASS

The Tuesday and Thursday evening classes meet at St. Mary’s track. Those classes begin at 5:45 PM. St. Mary’s is at the corner of Walnut Grove and Perkins. In the event of rain, these cardio only classes will be canceled.

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NO MT. FUJI WORKOUT THIS MONTH!

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NEW WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM!

Today marks a first in the 10 year history of USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP. I’m officially recommending and partnering with the Take Shape For Life weight loss program! This is the first time I’ve ever officially endorsed any weight loss program. This is a very successful and results oriented weight loss program endorsed by John’s Hopkins Hospital! It was developed by doctors and recommended by over 15,000 physicians.

I am very excited about the prospects for Take Shape For Life and you!

I’ve written a short description of why I’ve chosen Take Shape For Life on the website blog: http://usmcfitnessbootcamp.com/blog/2009/12/01/take-shape-for-life/

If you’d like to go directly to the Take Shape For Life website you can go to: www.combatchallenge.tsfl.com

Feel free to email or call me with your questions!

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HIRING?

A former boot camper is looking for a job. She’s got experience in marketing, sales, copy writing, and real estate (she’s got her license). If you know of something that might work for her, let me know.

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HOLIDAY HAMS & MAKE A WISH!

Eat at any Holiday Deli and Ham on Wednesday - or cater from there and Make-A-Wish will get 20%!

To your continued good health and fitness!

Tony

Sergeant Major Tony Ludlow
USMC Fitness BOOT CAMP, Commanding
Memphis, TN
901-644-0145
www.usmcfitnessbootcamp.com